ETIQUETTE, HA!
by lilchibisaku
Summary: [sasunaru] Sasuke teaches Naruto etiquette. Naruto wants to impress Sakura with his amazing skills in manners since she insulted him for the millionth time. basically a crackfic. ONESHOT


**Etiquette, HA!**

**Disclaimer: 'Come back here!' 'Never!' Swarm of lawyers follow after lilchibisaku. Grabs the huge Uchiha fan from Sasuke and blows all the lawyers away. 'We'll get you some day!' 'Em, as I was saying, I don't own Naruto. **

**My little space:This is my first yaoi fic so um… yeah. Anyways. I hope you like it even thought it's probably pointless to those reading. If you don't like the yaoi or sasunaru fics, then why are you here? Shoos angry people away. 'I'm not open!' Anyways, I was suppose to finish my other ccs stories and edit them but eh. HAHA! Scratches head sheepishly. Shhhh! Grins xD Now on with the story or whatever you want to call it.

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Scattered pieces of a broken expensive table lay around Naruto and Sasuke while a couple stuck out of Naruto's now bleeding forehead. The table now had a new hole made by Naruto's head. 'BAKA! It's your fault you broke all my china dobe!' Sasuke said glaring at him. 'Yeah well if you hadn't tried to scare me I wouldn't have smashed my head through your table Sasuke-teme!' Naruto glared back, sparks of light passed through as a glaring competition was initiated. 'Yeah right dobe, I wasn't even trying to scare you! You were too busy daydreaming about Sakura!' 'Was not.' 'Urusai! I don't even know how you got me to agree to this anyway.' Suddenly mini-Narutos point downward.

**FLASHBACK (earlier that day)**

'Sakura! Let's get some ramen!' grinning his infamous happy grin. Then he dragged her to Ichiraku's before she even answered.

'But I have to do something with Ino-pig…' she sighed being dragged though Konoha's dusty streets. '15 bowls of miso ramen ojii-san!' Quickly he wolfed it down all in seconds. 'Sakura? Aren't you hungry?' Ramen was hanging out of Naruto's mouth and Sakura's left eye twitched and her forehead vein threatened to burst.

'Hungry? What do you mean hungry! I was supposed to meet Ino-pig five minutes ago and you ate my ramen! On top of that didn't you ever learn to have some table manners? At least close your mouth when you chew!' She sighed relieved that she finally got that out of her system after so many years of wanting to tell him that. She never meant to turn him down so many times when they were genin and even though all three were friends now she still declined. It disgusted her so much that she never wanted to be around him when he was eating or going to eat. Every time she wanted to throw up seeing the soft whitish yellow noodles get mashed with little pieces of meat and… let's not go that far. 'Erm, if you'll excuse me I'll be meeting with Ino-pig now.'

Naruto began thinking about what Sakura said. Did she just insult his ramen? Finally some minutes pasted with the now cold noodles hanging out of his mouth and the chewed mush that still hadn't gone down his throat. Sasuke then happened to pass by, close his mouth for him, and smacked Naruto's head. 'Dobe, don't stand there looking stupid. At least close your mouth.' He said smirking. Naruto spun around to see Sasuke. 'Sasuke, I need your help!' The chewed mush flew out of his mouth and it just so happened to land on his face as he clung onto his arm like a leech. Sasuke took a napkin, wiped his face and smeared it back on Naruto's face. 'No and for once please keep all unsanitary waste to yourself.' 'Argh! Gross!' Naruto jumped up and wiped the mush off. 'What do you mean gross that's your food!' He said glaring at Naruto. He turned to go but Naruto already latched onto his arm again and started begging.

'If you teach me how to have some table manners I stop accidentally spitting on you.' Sasuke kept silent until he finally said 'I'll drag you everywhere that has a bar and force you to drink the most alcoholic drink there is and stuff you with ramen until you throw up.' 'What!' 'Please!' he begged giving him a lost puppy dog look that would make you even want to cuddle him. _Must resist temptation to give in_ Sasuke thought

Dobe-loving side: _Oh! But you must you know your going to break. You know you want to. Gives him the wink. (tch. Not what you guys are thinking you perverts!) _

Must kick butt side: _Nooooo! Don't fall into the evil hands! Remember your ways! Must keep sanity!_

Reality side: _kicks the must-kick-butt-side. Oh, shut up. You just know he's going to break just look at him. Jabs thumb at Sasuke's twitching mouth._

Must kick butt side: _Nooooo!_

'Argh! Ok fine you stupid heads!' Naruto looked at him like he grew another head. 'So… that means a yes?' he blinked innocently. Sasuke got the bored look. 'Come on dobe. Might as well since you're probably going to follow me home bugging me on the way.'

**End of Flashback**

'Oh yeah… Thanks for the memory dobe.' He said sarcastically while glaring at him. 'Shut up teme. It's not like you would want to remember. I was just being helpful at recalling your suppressed memory. So get a move on and hurry up and teach me damn it!' Iruka appears out of nowhere and scrubs his mouth clean with foul tasting soap. BLEH. 'Yeah, and if I recall, you broke the china!' Sasuke screamed into his ears but it's a good thing I have another set of inexpensive china.' He said swiping them out of nowhere like a deck of cards.

Sasuke put food on it and told him to eat. 'Eww… eat that food?' 'Just eat it dobe. Or I'm going to shove it down your throat.' Naruto glared and began eating fast. Sasuke kicked Naruto's butt. 'All wrong! Eat slowly and close your mouth!' Naruto tried 30 times before Sasuke got fed up and took out some matches and a box full of instant ramen. He then lit the fireplace. 'For every time you do these lessons wrong, one of these (gestures to the box of ramen) goes into the flames.' 'NOOOOO! My secret stash of ramen!' T-T Naruto cried pitifully. 'Now move it.' Sasuke held one out threatingly to the fire.

Hours later Naruto lies on the Uchiha's floor sweating under the pressure and not one box of ramen into the fire. 'See that wasn't so bad was it?' Sasuke said smirking. 'Sasuke-teme I can't believe you would nearly destroy the brotherhood of the ramen for this. You're truly pure evil.' He said glaring at him. Sasuke only grinned. 'But I'm giving you back your box of ramen back and if you show that you've learned and remembered what I taught you I'll buy you 15 bowls of any kind of ramen at Ichiraku.' he said in a teasing voice. 'Really?' Naruto jumped up and hugged him. 'Yay! I'm so happy I can almost kiss you!' 'Want to try?' Sasuke wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. 'Eww!' he smirked at usual Naruto remark but not before the table leaned sideways and collapsed making Sasuke fall on top of Naruto and Naruto and Sasuke's open mouths locked once more. _ Hey… this isn't so bad. _Both had thought and continued making out on the floor. 'So… if I do all that can I get another kiss?' Naruto asked. 'Tch, yeah dobe.' Sasuke said and rested his head in the space where Naruto's neck and shoulders combined.


End file.
